Guest Blogger: Alex- Essex Life

Today I have a guest blog from Alex at http://honeyteaandbiscuits.blogspot.co.uk/, she has a fab blog, and has an amazing taste in shoes, seriously..I want her shoes.

“An Essex girl is a pejorative stereotype in the United Kingdom of a female who is said to be promiscuous and unintelligent, characteristics jocularly attributed to women from Essex.”

Ooo fancy ;) Thanks Wiki for that explanation.

So, when I first started, which wasn’t that long ago, I came across ButterflyBoo, I was intrigued and so I clicked on it and first thing I saw  “An Essex girl living it up with the Sheep in Wales” YAY another Essex blogger!

So here I am, a guest fellow Essex blogger.

 I’m Alex and I’m here to divulge and show you the world of Essex, with the most accurate description I’ve ever read, produced by Wikipedia.

Patricia Krentcil, every Essex girls idol

The Survival Guide to being an Essex Girl 

You need bleached hair, the more bleached and dead, the better. 

Hair extensions, the more straggly and longer, the hotter.

Roots should be just below the ears too.

Eyelashes: Minimum 4 sets. After all Katie Price is all for one for 6 sets.

Need your butt out as much as possible. If not, you're going to get no where in life.

The tan: Orange. Never the bronze. Amy Child's has an Oompa Loompa shade available in her new tanning collection. She is our goddess.

Apply layers and layers until orange and fake.

 If unsuccessfull, apply soy sauce. Does the job nicely.

Thick Black kohl eyeliner all around the eyes, until the panda look is achieved.

Acrylic nails, 4 week old preferably, the out grown look is always the most attractive.

People say if you have you boobs out, hide you legs visa versa . Err I DON'T think so. Important to have boobs, face, head, legs, elbows, feet, toes, ears and bum, spesh the cheeks, out at all possible times. 

The face: The cakier the better. 5-7 layer should suffice.

Lips: The palest nude lipstick you can find, accutuating the plumping with a lipliner a cm over the lips. If fails just use concealer as a lipstick. The invisible/hey i've got no lips, look is the key.

Last but not least, the stilettos 6 inches minimum. 

We do also love a good Juicy couture tracksuit and Ugg boots go with everything.

Attitude: If you've got it, flaunt it and if you haven't just fake it and hope all your good work will pull off ;)

I wish this was my life, but not all of us are like this unfortunately and some of us happen to still carry some class and dignity hahah.

Pale is the new orange after all ;)

So, from experience the first thing any one wants to know when they find out I'm from Essex (just finished 1st year uni) is "Is it like The Only Way Is Essex?"

Well, bloggers, sadly, its not. Although I do beg to differ on the accent side. I didn't think I had an accent buuuut apparently I do. cute alex...

It doesn't help when I talk a million miles and hour either, so no one can understand me.

 The Only Way Is Essex 100% over Made In Chelsea though. Juuust saying.
 Perhaps slightly biased but it's so cringe and horrendous, that it's just amazing.


My fave part being when Gemma shook her booty at Arg telling him what he was missing. 
omg. I was dying. cry laughing. amazing.

An interesting fact that just makes Essex, 'Essex' is that a town called Basildon, has been ‘renamed/nicknamed’ Bas Vegas. With Hollywood esk sign on a hill... classy.

Ohh the delights of Essex, I do love it though, quite proud when I tell people I'm from Essex because they initially think ooo an Essex galllll  heyy ;)


 Errrrrrrr no. Well, yeah, but not what your thinking cheeeky ;) 


Expect quite the opposite :)

So would you like to be an Essex girl?


alex
xoxo




www.honeyteaandbiscuits.blogspot.co.uk


Thanks for reading beauties!

Thank you for your post Alex, you summed up Essex well ;)
Go check out her blog, you wont regret it!
Hope you're well!